How to Help Loved Ones/Family Members/Friends
- Clara Morgan
- Apr 2
- 3 min read
When a someone you care about is not well or is in crisis, there are steps you can take.
"The bottom line --- Airplane safety instructions always tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting someone else, which creates a great metaphor for self-care. If you are burnt out and don't take care of yourself first, you won't be able to support your friend or loved one in need."
Things you can do to help someone in a mental health crisis include:
Just listen (avoid giving unsolicited advice).
Be supportive. Don't tell your loved one to "just get over it." If they could have, they would have. Instead, ask your loved one to help you understand how they are feeling.
Give your friend the 24-hour crisis line number: 310-6789 across BC with no area code required, or call it yourself if necessary. For thoughts of suicide or a suicide crisis, a person in need of help can call or text 988.
Don't be afraid to ask your loved one directly if they are suicidal – it won't plant a thought that's not already there.
Set boundaries around your own needs.
Take good care of yourself (rest/sleep, healthy food, exercise, pleasure, time to yourself, etc.).
Encourage your friend/loved one to seek professional help. Seek professional help for yourself as well, if necessary.
Don't be afraid to call 911 for the police (safety concern or suicide risk) or an ambulance (transportation to hospital). Some cities have a specific police and psychiatric nurse team for mental health emergencies, but not all of them do.
See the links below for caregiver support services.
Keep notes of your observations to give to a doctor should your loved one go or be taken to ER. The doctor has little to go on beyond observation in the moment and doesn't know what you've witnessed; your loved one may be presenting differently to the doctor than at home and the doctor may benefit from your notes in their assessment. Sometimes it is necessary to be assertive when providing these important insights, so that they are not disregarded.
Know that if you are a primary caregiver (this does not necessarily have to mean that your loved one lives with you), you arguably can and should be involved in the health care process (receiving information about hospital discharge, for example). See my Visions Mental Health Journal article at https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/families-and-crisis-vol12/connecting-the-dots.
About the hospital (ER or psychiatric unit):
The hospital is not just for physical crises. Someone who is deeply depressed, suicidal, psychotic, or manic may need to go to the hospital in order to get better, even if that possibility sounds scary. Please be reassured that psychiatric wards are different now; you are not sending your friend or loved one into scenes from movies like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or Patch Adams.
There are also outpatient mental health services in the community for people who are struggling. These are free if the person qualifies for them, so they may be preferable to private counselling if your loved one has no private insurance or funds.
Online mental health resources in BC include:
Here to Help https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/
Visions, BC's Mental Health and Substance Use Journal (a publication found in print and on Here to Help; each issues has a different area of focus)
Support services for those helping friends and loved ones who have mental illness or challenges:
In the Fraser Health Authority (for example):
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